Hey there! I know, all y’all thought I had quit or something. Nope. Just a long dark struggle in the same direction. Find a comfy spot, and grab your favorite beverage, and I’ll fill you in a bit. Looks like the last time I posted was… August of 2020? Yikes! If you’re wondering what I posted a year and a half ago, it was about truth and lies during a time of struggle. It was called Coping. You can read it here, if you like. Here’s a bit of the back story.
Coping
Hey there! How is everybody! Hopefully everyone is doing okay, and healthy and safe. I just wanted to stop in and share some encouragement for all of us who are struggling right now. So grab a cuppa, and find that comfy spot and I’ll share what I’m thinking.
The last couple of years have been really hard, and especially the past seven months. I’ve hit some new lows during that time. God’s grace is amazing… I didn’t quit. I didn’t give up. I didn’t give in to the temptation to crawl back into a beer bottle and curl up in the corner and whimper. God kept me.
So, what can we do to cooperate with the grace of God to help us through the rough times?
First and foremost, don’t isolate. It’s tempting from several angles to withdraw from everyone and everything when we’re hurting or life seems to be impossible. Don’t do it. Reach out to others. I was drowning, and I knew it. So I reached out for life preservers. People who would pray me through the tough spots. People I could cry with. People I could be raw and honest with. It’s okay to be needy sometimes. We are human and weak at our best. Life can knock us right off our feet and it’s okay to need others to help us hold on.
Second, get a perspective of truth. The world and the storms we weather can have winds that shout about how hopeless it is, how worthless we are, how helpless we are, and that it’s never going to be okay. Those things are lies. Pure and simple. The truth is this: There is always hope if we’re still alive. We are worthy of belief in ourselves even if it appears that no one else does. We are not helpless, there is always one more thing we can do. It will be okay sooner or later.
The Scriptures are the bedrock. God is a God of hope and has promised to sustain us. He has placed incredible value and worth on us simply because we are His creation and His children. Even if we are helpless, He is surely not! He has all power and all knowledge. He’s not surprised, not without options or plans. He has good plans for you that He is actively working out. He is able! He has plans for our future full of hope.
Third, we must tell ourselves the truth and allow others to tell us those same truths. God knew before I was born that I would be right here, right now. He is not surprised. Although it seems dark to me, even the darkness is as bright as day to Him. He has a plan for me that is good. He loves me. He will never leave me nor forsake me. He is able to do far more than I could even dare to think. He will provide all my needs. References to look up for these would be Psalm 139, Jeremiah 29:11, Hebrews 13:5, Nehemiah 9:31, Ephesians 3:20, Philippians 4:19.
Every time the hopeless or negative thoughts come in, counter them with truth. I would tell myself, “It feels hopeless. But the truth is that God is right here. The truth is that He didn’t bring me this far to drop me on my head! The truth is He isn’t mad at me, hasn’t left me, isn’t unaware. The truth is He has a plan for me and it is good. The truth is He loves me and is actively working for my best. The truth is that He has never failed me and will not fail me this time. ”
Fourth, keep the truth in front of us. I have things on the fridge. On the nightstand. On the walls. It’s part of my decor, but also part of notes I purposely put on the fridge. I have the truth that God will provide all my needs (Philippians 4:19) printed above the signature line of my checks.
Fifth, prayer is vital. Pray out the worries and concerns. Give them to God, even if you have to do it every 10 seconds. Pray the Scriptures to get the truth more firmly embedded into your heart. Tell God what the Word says, “Lord, Your Word says You will never leave me nor forsake me. I choose to believe that truth. Strengthen that truth in my heart.”
Finally, reach out to your pastor or priest. Let them into your life. Allow them to know your struggles so they can pray for you! Don’t try to go it alone. Reach out to people you can connect with. You can help them, too, by telling them the truths you know. That helps both of you!
Suspense
Hey there! How is everybody? Hope all y’all are healthy and doing well. I have exciting news: I started a job on Tuesday!!! Grab a cuppa and find a comfy spot and I’ll share my news, and my newest line: “If you can stand the suspense, God will write a great story for you!”
Most of y’all know that I moved to Ohio for four years to get my Bachelor’s degree, then God called me to come back to KC after graduation. The timing was crazy in every respect… I loved Ohio. I loved my 100 year old Victorian house. I had a job I loved. A church I loved. Then things quietly started to fall apart as God pushed me out of my “nest”. The house sold and closed in 2 weeks, on December 31.
The logistics were insane. I had college boys load the trailer, then had to hire a professional company to unload and reload it. Two rental houses fell through so I arrived in KC with all my stuff on a truck someplace en route, and lived in a hotel (on points, so it was free) for a week, then at a local retreat center for a few days while I was guided to my house.
A few weeks later, COVID shut everything down. God provided. I got a temp job in April that paid enough for me to bank a couple of months rent before it ended. But again, nobody was hiring in May. Or June. Or July. I was struggling with anxiety and depresssion, in spite of my best efforts to trust God to provide as He always has. Then came the stimulus check, followed by my tax refunds. My unemployment finally came through with the extra $600, which I collected for about four weeks. God provided one month at a time in a different way each month.
During the thick of it, we weren’t even able to go to Church. Losing that support was rough, online just isn’t the same! Finally, we could go back. We wear masks the entire time, but at least we can receive communion. I clung to God by my fingernails, constantly repeating the truth of His love, mercy and provision to myself even when I was in the middle of a panic attack. It was a very rough seven months. I had so many people praying for me! I know those prayers are all that carried me through.
The house next door went up for sale, and how I wanted to buy it! It has a huge fenced yard, perfect for a grandson to play in and for a dog. That wasn’t God’s plan; I couldn’t secure financing. With not even an interview on the horizon, I just kept putting one foot in front of the other. Go through every single job board e-mail and send out resumes. Don’t spend a penny, don’t go anywhere (it’s all closed anyway) just sit alone in your place and keep telling yourself the truth that God is not surprised and has this well under control.
By mid July I was extremely discouraged, anxious and depressed. I wasn’t sure I was going to make it.
On Wednesday evening, I got a call from a friend who wanted to take me to church and then treat me to dinner, just get me out of the house. I gratefully accepted. Then I received a call from a recruiter I didn’t know. By Thursday afternoon she had an interview set up for me on Friday. This job was application number 104. Yes, one hundred and four job apps in seven months. I had two amazing interviews on Friday, and was offered the job on Saturday afternoon. There were lots of “God fingerprints” all over this… long story, but I’m confident I’m where I’m supposed to be. It’s going to be great!
Oh, and the house next door? The new landlord is renting the side I wanted to me at $50 less than my current rent, and told me I need a dog! So, I’m moving next month.
Interestingly enough, the depression and anxiety didn’t just vanish into thin air. I suppose my body chemicals need some time to catch up. So, I rested a lot this weekend. Had dinner with a friend. Slept a lot. And that’s okay.
How about you? Are you in the long dark tunnel? Struggling to pay the rent and put food on the table? Can’t figure out where God is, or if He even knows you exist? Find a pastor or priest. They can help you connect with God and possibly some material resources to help get you through. You’re gonna make it! If you can weather the suspense, God will write an amazing story in your life!
Fourth of July!
Hey there! How is everyone? I trust all y’all are healthy, and having a safe Fourth of July. I hope we’re all celebrating our freedom. I woke up this morning, pondering the Pledge of Allegiance. Grab a cuppa your favorite beverage, find a comfy spot and let’s talk about it awhile. (This post is longer than usual, just letting you know.)
Every school kid used to know the Pledge. We recited it every morning at the beginning of school. It was part of American culture. It still should be.
It begins with “I”. There can be no nation, no unity, no strength without the individual. Strong individuals make a strong nation. It’s a personal choice to be united, to be part of the whole. When we join a club or an organization, we don’t cease to be ourselves, but we set aside our differences to unite under a common name and overall philosophy. Like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, every individual is important.
Then I pledge. What’s a pledge? It’s not a word we hear a lot these days. A pledge is a solemn, or serious, promise. It’s something we’re not going to forget about. Allegiance? Loyalty. We are promising to act in a manner that is loyal to the flag of the nation. Why the flag? It’s a symbol of all the freedoms and responsibilities we have as citizens. We have amazing freedoms here in America, but those freedoms must have corresponding responsibilities to maintain them. Everyone who sees our flag knows what ideals it represents (except some of us who have chosen to forget in recent times).
The republic. What is a republic? I thought we were a democracy? A republic is a body of people who are entitled to vote and rule them selves through popular vote or through duly elected representatives., i.e., through democratic process. It’s not perfect. Personal greed and thirst for power can corrupt those representatives. The good news is that the common people can vote them out and put more responsive people in their place. That freedom to choose is part of why America is so great! But remember, it begins with “I”. If we lose courage or hope and choose not to participate in elections, we are stuck with what we get. We silence our own voice. If we divide ourselves for personal opinion instead of working for the corporate good, we silence our own voice. Let that soak in.
One nation. This is where the “I pledge allegiance” really counts. We have to choose to be united, to work for the common good, and to maintain our own personal integrity in the process to bring continued and increasing freedoms to everyone. Division will cost us our liberty. Division will turn to anarchy, and we’ve seen that begin to play out in the news. Just take a look at CHAZ in Seattle, Washington. How quickly it degenerated! Without structure, there can be no unity.
Under God. This is a volatile topic today. If we choose to believe in God, in Jesus Christ, and dare to proclaim Him or His teachings, we are likely to be verbally assaulted or worse. Even our courts are ruling against our founding principles. Yet, this is a key component to our freedom! To begin with, this is what our Founding Fathers, flawed as they were, framed our Constitution around. As we just discussed, without structure, there cannot be unity. Without law, there cannot be order. Without order, there is no freedom. The Ten Commandments are ridiculed today as out of date, irrelevant. God is seen as an authority to be thrown off like some medieval shackles. But let’s take a closer look.
Freedom OF religion is a far cry from freedom FROM religion. The freedom we have in our Constitution is freedom to practice the religion of our choice without government interference. Christianity is the religion this nation was founded for and on. What are the tenets of Christianity? We need to acknowledge that there is one God, we need to respect and follow His ways. We need to respect each other – parents, spouses, strangers – by obeying those over us, not stealing, not murdering. Everyone agrees that these things are wrong. For a more ‘up to date’ look at the Commandments (Exodus 20:1-17), we can look to Jesus’ words at the sermon on the Mount. The “Beatitudes” are the explanation of the heart issues that help us obey the ten commandments with joy, not as mere duty. (Matthew Chap 5-7).
Indivisible. This is a hard word. It implies solidarity of everyone, every “I” working toward the same goals. This is where the strength comes from. It means we are not all yelling for our own comforts and pleasures while others are suffering. It means we cannot be divided by our differences. It means we can acknowledge our differences and yet work together to make things better for everyone. Let’s be clear: we are not going to create utopia. We are dealing with flawed human beings with less than perfect characters and desires that can be out of control. The key is to maintain unity under our elected leadership and hold them accountable to do what is best for all.
With liberty and justice for all. This is the goal. This is the result of unity, moral character and concern for others. We have liberty to pursue our own happiness, liberty to puruse education, housing, recreation, religion without fear of being harmed or killed. We will have justice when we all look out for the interest of others. Skin color has nothing to do with it. When we see a human being in need, we do what we can as an individual to meet that need. We don’t just walk by and expect “the government” or “the social program” to take care of it. We get personally invovled. That brings us back to “I”.
How about you? Are you drifting along, without any real purpose or direction? You can get those things in a solid relationship with God. Find a pastor or priest and they will be happy to help you establish and nurture that relationsihp. This is where true freedom begins!
Jesus Serves Us
Hey there! Hope all y’all are doing well! It’s been such a crazy year, this 2020. Find a comfy spot and grab a cuppa and let’s talk about the very real mercy and provision of God for our daily needs.
I’ve talked a lot recently about anxiety. It’s something I hadn’t struggled with for a decade, but it came back with a vengeance! I’m working with a doctor and am taking my prescribed meds as directed. There is nothing the the Bible or Church teaching that says not to! We are physical beings and sometimes our physical needs a little help in its fallen state.
With the major cross country move, the lack of a job, the COVID-19 pandemic and now the world wide racial riots and unrest, it’s no wonder I’m struggling. Many others are struggling, too. I’m working triple overtime trying to find a job, trying to stay safe and healthy and trying to stay focused on God’s goodness, mercy and provision for my daily needs. Scripture is my bedrock that never changes and is always there to remind me that God hasn’t left me, even when the physical anxiety is threatening to knock me down again.
I’m in a Zoom Bible study doing “1000 Gifts” by Ann Voskamp. Tonight this question was raised: “Describe a time when you were profoundly aware that Jesus was at work serving you.” That was a new way to look at some things!
I thought back to the move and how He has provided, albeit not as I would have liked. My version would have been to sell the Ohio house at a good profit, buy a house here free and clear and have a good job waiting. When I arrived homeless and jobless, He provided a free hotel on accumulated points for awhile, then free lodging with a retreat center I used to volunteer at. While all I could see was rentals falling through, He ultimately provided the right house in the right area of town, even though I did not qualify for the rent amount. While I was upset about not owning a home for the first time in my life, He matched me with a management company who has been very responsive to my needs and requests.
He provided a one-month temp job that carried me through three months. When I needed a doctor, He led me to a wonderful doc whose visit and lab rates are extremely affordable; she has an onsite pharmacy that provides my Rx needs at a fraction of the cost of a regular pharmacy, as well as a program to get my most expensive diabetes med for free. She is also well versed in depression and anxiety. The Lord “served” me by connecting us.
One of the ladies in the Bible study group gave me the book and the devotional. One of them sends me cards or checks on me to be sure I’m okay. Another one tonight told me she would buy my book for the next study we will be doing. Our pastor let me make an appointment to go to confession, then gave me the Eucharist privately. Jesus is serving me through my church.
My daughter has brought me dinner a couple of times just to say hi. She invited me over for Mother’s Day, then again for Memorial Day so I wouldn’t be alone. She loaned me an old computer that at least has a good camera for any future video interviews. She’s totally unaware, but she is being Jesus serving me. My other daughter took me for a weekend to Branson, Missouri, for my birthday in late February. She and her man fed me, entertained me, loved me. It was such a wonderful and refreshing time. They were Jesus serving me.
Another friend of the family needs someone to do some limited data entry work; that will help bridge the gap between jobs. I have a job interview on Monday. I stumbled across my great test scores on the Indeed job board today. These all give me hope when I was getting pretty discouraged and feeling unemployable. Jesus is serving me.
How about you? Do you know His provision, His mercy, His ‘service’ for you? The greatest service He has done for all of us is when God Himself became a human being, born of an earthly mother. He lived a perfect life, taught us about God and His ways, then died a horrible death to take the penalty for our rebellion. He never leaves us, never fails us. If you don’t have a relationship with Him, find a pastor or priest. They can help you get acquainted with Him. Find other people to connect with. We are the way He serves others. Others are the way He serves us.
He Knew Then, He Knows Now
Hey there! How is everybody? Happy Mother’s Day to all you mommas out there! I hope all y’all are healthy and had a good weekend.
In the midst of this trying time, it can be easy to feel like God has forgotten us or is doing something less than loving us. Maybe He’s not aware of what’s going on in our lives. The Scriptures paint a different story. Grab a cuppa your favorite beverage, find a comfy spot, and let’s talk about it. Continue reading
COVID Courage
Hey there! Hope all y’all are still healthy and okay. It’s a beautiful day outside today. Sunny and supposed to be in the low 70’s, I think. Grab your favorite beverage and find a comfy space and I’ll ramble some more. Continue reading
Isolation
Hey there! Yeah, I know. Two in one night, and I need to be in bed asleep… but drinking Diet Soda too late in the day has me up… Grab another cuppa and find that comfy spot again. I promise this will be quick, lightly edited and then I will crawl into bed. Or something. 😉 Continue reading
Just One
Hey there! I trust all y’all are healthy and safe. Grab a cuppa and find a comfy spot and I’ll share what I’ve been learning during this COVID lockdown lifestyle.
“Show Me!” State challenges
Hey there! How’s everybody doing? I’m ready to take a few minutes to do… nothing. Find a comfy spot and grab a cuppa something- it’s cold here, so I’m sipping orange dark chocolate cocoa. Settling in another state can be quite the challenge.
I was basically homeless for two weeks. When I arrived in KC, I lived in a hotel for 10 days (free until the points ran out), then ‘moved’ to a retreat center where I used to volunteer. Two rental houses had fallen through, and to add injury to insult, the dog I’d thought I would adopt bit me. Welcome home.
After a very long and detailed conversation with another leasing agent, and overcoming several technical challenges, I finally submitted the online app after midnight on Tuesday. They called me at 9:15 am Wednesday to say yes. I spent the rest of the day arranging utilities, which surprisingly was very smooth and all done over the phone. On Thursday I picked up keys and let the moving company know where to park the trailer with my stuff, the unloaders came on Friday morning, and the trailer was picked up that afternoon. I quickly discovered that the garage I wanted for my car was full of “stuff”. I’ve already taken three carloads to the local Veterans store for donations. Stuff will be for sale tomorrow.
Once I had the lease agreement, I could open a bank account. I bought better renter’s insurance and got Missouri car insurance. Then the real fun began.
It took over two hours to simply get a driver’s license. I sat and waited for an hour and a half. They gave me the license after extensive verification they did have enough ‘acceptable’ proof of residency; for the “Real ID” I needed a utility bill to the new address to prove residency; the lease wasn’t enough. Never mind. I have a passport.
Today, I spent FIVE HOURS getting car tags. This is the real “show me!” story.
I got the required safety and VIN inspection last week. That took an hour and a half. At noon, I gathered that up with the insurance documents from Ohio and Missouri, title, registration, Ohio driver’s license and the Missouri temporary license. That should cover it. Nope. I needed a property tax waiver for 2019 from the courthouse, they said, then just come back. Here’s a “returning customer” slip so you don’t have to wait another hour when you come back. I went to the courthouse. They wanted proof that I had lived in Ohio.
Here, an Ohio driver’s license, car title, registration, and insurance ID with the same address aren’t enough proof. You need a utility bill or credit card statement or bank statement to prove it. So, back to the house I go to print statements that cover January 2019 and 2020. The entire year must be covered so they don’t lose any taxes!
I went back to the courthouse to get my waiver and they discover the word “Trust” in the title. No go. They can’t process it here because of that word. Here are the numbers to the two bigger courthouses who can handle it. I called the closer one, about 20 minutes away. I was instructed to bring the trust documents and all my other paperwork with me. Back to the house I go.
Off to the second courthouse. Huge traffic delay due to an accident. I finally arrived, went inside and was told there were two courthouses in that suburb and I needed the other one. Back to the car, drive four blocks and hunt another parking place. Find the correct room, spend 20 minutes in line and at the ‘receptionist’ desk while she looked over my paperwork, but not the trust documents. Then I sat and waited another 30 minutes plus to hear my name called over a bad speaker in a noisy room. She took the bank statement cover page printouts, the Ohio registration and my Ohio drivers license and issued the waiver. Never asked for or looked at the trust documents.
She sent me all the way back to the DMV. Another huge traffic delay due to a disabled truck on the shoulder.
I asked about changing the title to remove the word “Trust” from it. I was told that all the trustees had to sign off. I am the only one and these papers prove that I have the authority. It didn’t matter. I had to have a notarized statement… Just never mind!!!
I got home at 5pm. An entire five hours just to get car tags. I’ll put them on later when it’s a little warmer.
Today I didn’t quit. I didn’t move back to Ohio. I didn’t behead anyone who was simply doing their job. I managed to smile at all of them. Yep, miracles do happen.
Sew Sharri 